Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain



Facebook share   Tweet This   Email this

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | Links | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z


Get a Humorous, Yet Insightful, Quote of the Day each day by email.
Follow funny-quotes-life.com by Email:


Ernest Hemingway Quotes
Funny Quotes by Ernest Hemingway

Let these funny Ernest Hemingway Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

About morals: I know only that
what is moral is what you feel good after
and what is immoral is what you feel bad after.
- Ernest Hemingway

Hardly a man in the world has an opinion
upon morals, political, or religion
which he got otherwise than
through his associations and sympathies.
- Mark Twain

The most permanent lessons in morals are those which come,
not of booky teaching, but of experience.
- Mark Twain

To educate a person in mind and not in morals
is to educate a menace to society.
- Theodore Roosevelt


Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.

 Subscribe in a reader -- or
Enter your email address:




Delivered by FeedBurner


Man must cease attributing his problems to his environment,
and learn again to exercise his will - his personal responsibility
in the realm of faith and morals.
- Albert Schweitzer

Never let your sense of morals
get in the way of doing what's right.
- Isaac Asimov

Every fact is related on one side to sensation,
and, on the other, to morals.
The game of thought is, on the appearance
of one of these two sides,
to find the other: given the upper, to find the under side.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson


 

Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant
I could hardly stand to have the old man around.
But when I got to be 21, I was astonished
at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
- Mark Twain

People hardly ever make use of the freedom which they have,
for example, freedom of thought;
instead they demand freedom of speech as a compensation.
- Soren Kierkegaard

Business, you know, may bring money,
but friendship hardly ever does.
- Jane Austen

It is hardly possible to build anything,
if frustration, bitterness and a mood of helplessness prevail.
- Lech Walesa

We hardly ever realize that we can
cut anything out of our lives,
anytime, in the blink of an eye.
- Carlos Castaneda

Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition.
The immature mind often mistakes one for the other,
or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy -
in fact, they're almost incompatible;
one emotion hardly leaves room for the other.
Both at once can produce unbearable turmoil.
- Robert Heinlein

This overcoming of all the usual barriers
between the individual and the Absolute
is the great mystic achievement.
In mystic states we both become one with the Absolute
and we become aware of our oneness.
This is the everlasting and triumphant mystical tradition,
hardly altered by differences of clime or creed.
- William James

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand PHOTO

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields PHOTO

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin PHOTO

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)

A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous

The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein

If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard

A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard

If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot

Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill

One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell

An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde

Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln

The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau

Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde

Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh

Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain

A man is usually more careful of his money
than he is of his principles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)

The man who reads nothing at all
is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
- Thomas Jefferson

I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer

Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus

A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous

Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln

If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau


Thank you for visiting: Ernest Hemingway Quotes - Funny Quotes by Ernest Hemingway.

Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.