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Let these funny Edmund Hillary Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.
- Edmund Hillary
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand 
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken
The mind is not a vessel to be filled
but a fire to be kindled.
- Plutarch
A ship in harbor is safe -
but that is not what ships are for.
- John A. Shedd
Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain
People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw
Silence is not always a Sign of Wisdom,
but Babbling is ever a folly.
- Benjamin Franklin
The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln
Do not speak to me of rules.
This is war! This is not a game of cricket!
- from the movie The Bridge On The River Kwai
The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
The faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde
As far as the laws of mathematics
refer to reality, they are not certain,
and as far as they are certain,
they do not refer to reality.
- Albert Einstein
The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin
Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone
I love not to mix with it.
- Thomas Jefferson
It is only the poor who pay cash,
and that not from virtue,
but because they are refused credit.
- Anatole France
It's not much of a tail, but I'm sort of attached to it.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein
The rich are not born skeptical or cynical.
They are made that way by events, circumstances.
- Paul Getty
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
The lawyer's truth is not Truth,
but consistency or a consistent expediency.
- Henry David Thoreau
One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide
Delusion: belief said to be false by someone who does not share it.
- Thomas Szasz
The function of muscle is to pull and not to push,
except in the case of the genitals and the tongue.
- Leonardo da Vinci
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie
When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
I am always ready to learn
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.