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Let these funny David Starr Jordan Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
Wisdom is knowing what to do next.
- David Starr Jordan
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
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Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
Money won't make you happy...
but everybody wants to find out for themselves.
- Zig Ziglar
This above all, to thine own self be true.
- William Shakespeare
Life is defined more by its contrasts than its samenesses;
Life is defined more by its risks than the many securities.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Society is always taken by surprise
at any new example of common sense.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Stay Happy, never let anyone get your goat.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I can't go back to yesterday -
because I was a different person then.
- Lewis Carroll
The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe,
just so you're sincere.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Go Fly A Kite, Charlie Brown
It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool,
than to speak and remove all doubt.
- sometimes attributed to Mark Twain, Abraham Lincoln, or Samuel Johnson
The urge to save humanity is almost always
a false front for the urge to rule.
- H. L. Mencken
Everybody is a genius.
But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree,
it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.
- Albert Einstein
In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon
Speak when you are angry -
and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret.
- Laurence J. Peter
"But I don't want to go among mad people," said Alice.
"Oh, you can't help that," said the cat. "We're all mad here."
- Lewis Carroll
All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea.
- Walter Bagehot
There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham
How many legs does a dog have
if you call the tail a leg? Four.
Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.
- Abraham Lincoln
Just once in a while, let us exalt
the importance of ideas and information.
- Edward R. Murrow
The more he became truly wise,
the more he distrusted everything he knew.
- Voltaire
What would be the use of immortality to a person
who cannot use well a half an hour.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie
Children, cartoon animals, comedians,
and space aliens can get away with saying
what the rest of us are afraid is true,
but are embarrassed to talk about.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The end of the human race will be that
it will eventually die of civilization.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
You can observe a lot by just watching.
- Yogi Berra
Where there's a will, there's a way.
- old English proverb
Most men lead lives of quiet desperation
and go to the grave with the song still in them.
- Henry David Thoreau
Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung
To go against the dominant thinking of your friends,
of most of the people you see every day,
is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform.
- Theodore H. White
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann
The universe we observe has precisely
the properties we should expect
if there is, at bottom, no design,
no purpose, no evil, no good,
nothing but blind, pitiless indifference.
- Charles Darwin
The mind is not a vessel to be filled
but a fire to be kindled.
- Plutarch
Honor tradition AND question tradition.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is not supposed to be fair.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing,
of just going along,
listening to all the things you can't hear,
and not bothering.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.
- Henry David Thoreau
Silence is a source of great strength.
- Lao Tzu
It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are,
or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy.
It is what you think about.
- Dale Carnegie
Play with life, laugh with life,
dance lightly with life,
and smile at the riddles of life,
knowing that life's only true lessons
are writ small in the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.
- Edmund Hillary
Everyone is a prisoner of his own experiences.
No one can eliminate prejudices -
just recognize them.
- Edward R. Murrow
Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.
- Lao Tzu
The Main Thing is to Keep
The Main Thing The Main Thing.
- Stephen Covey
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The power of imagination makes us infinite.
- John Muir
"Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.
- Percy Bysshe Shelley
Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
To know yet to think that one does not know is best;
Not to know yet to think that one knows
will lead to difficulty.
- Lao Tzu
Drop the sword - for there is but one flesh to wound,
and it is the one flesh of all humankind.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
"Hurry up" ranks right up there with "you need to"
as a destroyer of our humanity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
He who is contented is rich.
- Lao Tzu
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
- Anonymous
The life of inner peace,
being harmonious and without stress,
is the easiest type of existence.
- Norman Vincent Peale
When It's Darkest, Men See the Stars.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Unsolicited Advice Is Always Meddling.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We all live with the objective of being happy;
our lives are all different and yet the same.
- Anne Frank
When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw
What's done is done.
- William Shakespeare
The book of life is filled with incoherent riddles.
Life's true lessons are inscribed in a corner of the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
He is richest who is content with the least,
for content is the wealth of nature.
- Socrates
He who takes medicine and neglects his diet
wastes the skill of his doctors.
- Chinese Proverb
Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Silence is not always a Sign of Wisdom,
but Babbling is ever a folly.
- Benjamin Franklin
He who knows others is wise.
He who knows himself is enlightened.
- Lao Tzu
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.