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David Starr Jordan Quotes
Funny Quotes by David Starr Jordan

Let these funny David Starr Jordan Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

Wisdom is knowing what to do next.
- David Starr Jordan

"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed) PHOTO

If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain PHOTO


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Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer

You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous

The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous PHOTO


 

Money won't make you happy...
but everybody wants to find out for themselves.
- Zig Ziglar

This above all, to thine own self be true.
- William Shakespeare PHOTO

Life is defined more by its contrasts than its samenesses;
Life is defined more by its risks than the many securities.
- Mary Anne Radmacher PHOTO

Society is always taken by surprise
at any new example of common sense.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Stay Happy, never let anyone get your goat.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

I can't go back to yesterday -
because I was a different person then.
- Lewis Carroll PHOTO

The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe,
just so you're sincere.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Go Fly A Kite, Charlie Brown

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool,
than to speak and remove all doubt.
- sometimes attributed to Mark Twain, Abraham Lincoln, or Samuel Johnson

The urge to save humanity is almost always
a false front for the urge to rule.
- H. L. Mencken

Everybody is a genius.
But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree,
it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.
- Albert Einstein

In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon

Speak when you are angry -
and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret.
- Laurence J. Peter PHOTO

"But I don't want to go among mad people," said Alice.
"Oh, you can't help that," said the cat. "We're all mad here."
- Lewis Carroll

All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea.
- Walter Bagehot

There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham

How many legs does a dog have
if you call the tail a leg? Four.
Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.
- Abraham Lincoln

Just once in a while, let us exalt
the importance of ideas and information.
- Edward R. Murrow

The more he became truly wise,
the more he distrusted everything he knew.
- Voltaire

What would be the use of immortality to a person
who cannot use well a half an hour.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie

Children, cartoon animals, comedians,
and space aliens can get away with saying
what the rest of us are afraid is true,
but are embarrassed to talk about.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The end of the human race will be that
it will eventually die of civilization.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

You can observe a lot by just watching.
- Yogi Berra

Where there's a will, there's a way.
- old English proverb

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation
and go to the grave with the song still in them.
- Henry David Thoreau

Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung

To go against the dominant thinking of your friends,
of most of the people you see every day,
is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform.
- Theodore H. White

Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius

When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann

The universe we observe has precisely
the properties we should expect
if there is, at bottom, no design,
no purpose, no evil, no good,
nothing but blind, pitiless indifference.
- Charles Darwin

The mind is not a vessel to be filled
but a fire to be kindled.
- Plutarch

Honor tradition AND question tradition.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is not supposed to be fair.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing,
of just going along,
listening to all the things you can't hear,
and not bothering.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.
- Henry David Thoreau

Silence is a source of great strength.
- Lao Tzu

It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are,
or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy.
It is what you think about.
- Dale Carnegie

Play with life, laugh with life,
dance lightly with life,
and smile at the riddles of life,
knowing that life's only true lessons
are writ small in the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.
- Edmund Hillary

Everyone is a prisoner of his own experiences.
No one can eliminate prejudices -
just recognize them.
- Edward R. Murrow

Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.
- Lao Tzu

The Main Thing is to Keep
The Main Thing The Main Thing.
- Stephen Covey

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The power of imagination makes us infinite.
- John Muir

"Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.
- Percy Bysshe Shelley

Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

To know yet to think that one does not know is best;
Not to know yet to think that one knows
will lead to difficulty.
- Lao Tzu

Drop the sword - for there is but one flesh to wound,
and it is the one flesh of all humankind.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

"Hurry up" ranks right up there with "you need to"
as a destroyer of our humanity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

He who is contented is rich.
- Lao Tzu

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
- Anonymous

The life of inner peace,
being harmonious and without stress,
is the easiest type of existence.
- Norman Vincent Peale

When It's Darkest, Men See the Stars.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Unsolicited Advice Is Always Meddling.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We all live with the objective of being happy;
our lives are all different and yet the same.
- Anne Frank

When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw

What's done is done.
- William Shakespeare

The book of life is filled with incoherent riddles.
Life's true lessons are inscribed in a corner of the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

He is richest who is content with the least,
for content is the wealth of nature.
- Socrates

He who takes medicine and neglects his diet
wastes the skill of his doctors.
- Chinese Proverb

Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Silence is not always a Sign of Wisdom,
but Babbling is ever a folly.
- Benjamin Franklin

He who knows others is wise.
He who knows himself is enlightened.
- Lao Tzu


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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