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Let these funny Clarence Day Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
Real friendships among men are so rare
that when they occur they are famous.
- Clarence Day
Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
- Art Buchwald
You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)
One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde
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I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
- Mark Twain
Everyone is a genius at least once a year;
a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
- Georg Lichtenberg
Miracles occur naturally as expressions of love.
The real miracle is the love that inspires them.
In this sense everything that comes from love is a miracle.
- A Course in Miracles 
The only real valuable thing is intuition.
- Albert Einstein
FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real.
- Neale Donald Walsch
The Book of Life is a Book of Riddles,
with its Real Lessons Writ Small in the Margins.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Real excellence and humility are
not incompatible one with the other,
on the contrary they are twin sisters.
- Jean Baptiste Lacordaire
FEAR is an acronym in the English language
for "False Evidence Appearing Real."
- Neale Donald Walsch
The real ornament of woman is her character, her purity.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
We know nothing at all.
All our knowledge is but the knowledge of schoolchildren.
The real nature of things we shall never know.
- Albert Einstein
Anyone can be passionate, but
it takes real lovers to be silly.
- Rose Franken
The real us is pure love, pure light
- don Miguel Ruiz
Nothing can bring a real sense of security
into the home except true love.
- Billy Graham
When our thoughts - which bring actions -
are filled with hate against anyone, Negro or white,
we are in a living hell.
That is as real as hell will ever be.
- George Washington Carver
The making of friends, who are real friends,
is the best token we have of a man's success in life.
- Edward Everett Hale
Life's real lessons are inscribed in a corner of the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You grow up the day you have
your first real laugh - at yourself.
- Ethel Barrymore
Action is the real measure of intelligence.
- Napoleon Hill (author of the classic Think and Grow Rich)
I am a firm believer in the people.
If given the truth, they can be depended upon
to meet any national crisis.
The great point is to bring them the real facts.
- Abraham Lincoln
Character is like a tree and reputation like its shadow.
The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.
- Abraham Lincoln
True religion is real living;
living with all one's soul,
with all one's goodness and righteousness.
- Albert Einstein
The real lessons from the book of life
are inscribed in a corner of the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Each one has to find his peace from within.
And peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Smell the smells, feel the fear,
and smile at the incoherent way
life runs us in circles
while inscribing the real lessons
in a corner of the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
My father always used to say that when you die,
if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great life.
- Lee Iacocca
If we are to teach real peace in this world,
and if we are to carry on a real war against war,
we shall have to begin with the children.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
If money is your hope for independence,
you will never have it.
The only real security that
a man can have in this world
is a reserve of knowledge,
experience and ability.
- Henry Ford
Love: if you have to ask,
it's not the real thing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The only real failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows.
- The Buddha
Our real problem, then, is not our strength today;
it is rather the vital necessity of action today
to ensure our strength tomorrow.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Society is a masked ball,
where every one hides his real character,
and reveals it by hiding.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A real friend is one who walks in
when the rest of the world walks out.
- Walter Winchell
The real and lasting victories are those of peace, and not of war.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
What I cannot love, I overlook.
Is that real friendship?
- Anais Nin
Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.
- Pema Chodron
My vision of a real humanity is of pure individuals
relating to each other, but not tied in any relationship.
They will be loving to each other,
but not being possessive of each other.
They will be sharing with each other
all their joys and all their blessings,
but never even in their dreams thinking of dominating,
thinking of enslaving the other person.
- Osho (Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh)
You cannot lose your real treasure.
- Osho
Even in the Christian religion,
much of its real meaning is hidden by words
that are misleading and symbols that but few understand.
- Ernest Holmes
Real love is accepting other people the way they are
without trying to change them.
- don Miguel Ruiz
Where ignorance is our master,
there is no possibility of real peace.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
In a very real sense, it will not be one man going to the moon,
it will be an entire nation.
For all of us must work to put him there.
- John F. Kennedy
It is health that is real wealth,
and not pieces of gold and silver.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
All that is real is seen with the heart.
- Vivian Greene
We tell the real truth of our life
by the stories we repeatedly tell.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Only a man's character is the real criterion of worth.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Life is a Book of Riddles,
with the Real Lessons Writ Small in its Margins.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
America did not invent human rights.
In a very real sense, it is the other way around.
Human rights invented America.
- Jimmy Carter
The mind of man is continuously unfolding
into a greater recognition of its real plan
in the creative order of the Universe.
- Ernest Holmes
This isn't a rehearsal or a practice life.
This is your real life - your one and only real life.
There are no retakes - no second chances.
Begin now - live full out.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance.
- Confucius
I do not wish to treat friendships daintily,
but with roughest courage.
When they are real, they are
not glass threads or frost-work,
but the solidest thing we know.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
What is real is beyond all reach.
- Julian Green
To raise new questions, new possibilities,
to regard old problems from a new angle,
requires creative imagination and marks real advance in science.
- Albert Einstein
Dispassionate objectivity is itself a passion,
for the real and for the truth.
- Abraham Maslow
I believe in intuition and inspiration.
Imagination is more important than knowledge.
For knowledge is limited,
whereas imagination embraces the entire world,
stimulating progress, giving birth to evolution.
It is, strictly speaking, a real factor in scientific research.
- Albert Einstein
The supreme quality for leadership is unquestionably integrity.
Without it, no real success is possible,
no matter whether it is on a section gang,
a football field, in an army, or in an office.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Mind is repetitive, mind always moves in circles.
Mind is a mechanism: you feed it with knowledge,
it repeats the same knowledge,
it goes on chewing the same knowledge again and again.
No-mind is clarity, purity, innocence.
No-mind is the real way to live,
the real way to know, the real way to be.
- Osho
I believe in everything until it's disproved.
So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons.
It all exists, even if it's in your mind.
Who's to say that dreams and nightmares
aren't as real as the here and now?
- John Lennon
Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded.
It's a relationship between equals.
Only when we know our own darkness well
can we be present with the darkness of others.
Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.
- Pema Chodron
Visualize your end result as having already been accomplished.
Let the image of your success play on the giant screen
in full color with surround sound -
so real you can smell and taste it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Do real life people actually fall in love
with the idea of being in love?
Unfortunately, it is actually quite common.
Someone wants desperately to have
the husband or wife of their dreams.
They visualize the vine-covered cottage
with the white picket fence.
They choose the colors for the nursery.
They design all the aspects of their married life.
A real person stands no chance of measuring up to those fantasies.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Love is what we were born with.
Fear is what we learned here.
Miracles occur naturally as expressions of love.
The real miracle is the love that inspires them.
In this sense everything that comes from love is a miracle.
- Marianne Williamson
There are nine requisites for contented living:
HEALTH enough to make work a pleasure;
WEALTH enough to support your needs;
STRENGTH enough to battle with difficulties and forsake them;
GRACE enough to confess your sins and overcome them;
PATIENCE enough to toil until some good is accomplished;
CHARITY enough to see some good in your neighbor;
LOVE enough to move you to be useful and helpful to others;
FAITH enough to make real the things of God;
HOPE enough to remove all anxious fears concerning the future.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Real love is never a selfish emotion.
If you want something from someone -
especially if that something is sex -
what you are feeling is not true love.
True love is about wanting happiness for the person you love -
and not about seeking happiness for yourself.
Fortunately, in most cases our own loving presence
is the greatest gift we can give to a person we love.
Nonetheless, the litmus test of love is knowing
we would choose never to see that person again
if we believed that distance would bring them greater happiness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Do you not know that there comes a midnight hour
when every one has to throw off his mask?
Do you believe that life will always let itself be mocked?
Do you think you can slip away a little before midnight
in order to avoid this? Or are you not terrified by it?
I have seen men in real life who so long deceived others
that at last their true nature could not reveal itself;...
In every man there is something which to a certain degree
prevents him from becoming perfectly transparent to himself;
and this may be the case in so high a degree,
he may be so inexplicably woven into relationships of life
which extend far beyond himself that he almost cannot reveal himself.
But he who cannot reveal himself cannot love,
and he who cannot love is the most unhappy man of all.
- Soren Kierkegaard
In truth, politeness is artificial good humor,
it covers the natural want of it,
and ends by rendering habitual a substitute
nearly equivalent to the real virtue.
- Thomas Jefferson
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.