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Clarence Darrow Quotes
Funny Quotes by Clarence Darrow

Let these funny Clarence Darrow Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.
- Clarence Darrow

The trouble with law is lawyers.
- Clarence Darrow

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President;
I'm beginning to believe it.
- Clarence Darrow

True patriotism hates injustice in its own land more than anywhere else.
- Clarence Darrow


 

No other offense has ever been visited with such severe
penalties as seeking to help the oppressed.
- Clarence Darrow

Someday I hope to write a book where the royalties
will pay for the copies I give away.
- Clarence Darrow

The first half of our lives are ruined by our parents
and the second half by our children.
- Clarence Darrow


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Calvin Coolidge was the greatest man who ever came out of Plymouth Corner,
Vermont.
- Clarence Darrow

The world is made up for the most part of morons and natural tyrants,
sure of themselves, strong in their own opinions,
never doubting anything.
- Clarence Darrow

I am an agnostic; I do not pretend to know what many
ignorant men are sure of.
- Clarence Darrow

In spite of all the yearnings of men,
no one can produce a single fact or reason to support
the belief in God and in personal immortality.
- Clarence Darrow

Depressions may bring people closer to the church but so do funerals.
- Clarence Darrow

You can only be free if I am free.
- Clarence Darrow

Working people have alot of bad habits,
but the worst of these is work.
- Clarence Darrow

I never wanted to see anybody die, but there are a
few obituary notices I have read with pleasure.
- Clarence Darrow

Lost causes are the only ones worth fighting for.
- Clarence Darrow

History repeats itself, and that's one of the things
that's wrong with history.
- Clarence Darrow

The law does not pretend to punish everything that is dishonest.
That would seriously interfere with business.
- Clarence Darrow

Laws should be like clothes.
They should be made to fit the people they serve.
- Clarence Darrow

Justice has nothing to do with what goes on in a courtroom;
Justice is what comes out of a courtroom.
- Clarence Darrow

Even if you do learn to speak correct English,
whom are you going to speak it to?
- Clarence Darrow

Some of you say religion makes people happy.
So does laughing gas.
- Clarence Darrow

You can only protect your liberties in this world by
protecting the other man's freedom.
- Clarence Darrow

The only real lawyers are trial lawyers,
and trial lawyers try cases to juries.
- Clarence Darrow

None meet life honestly and few heroically.
- Clarence Darrow

The origin of the absurd idea of immortal life is easy to discover;
it is kept alive by hope and fear,
by childish faith, and by cowardice.
- Clarence Darrow

There is no such thing as justice - in or out of court.
- Clarence Darrow

I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -
that is all that agnosticism means.
- Clarence Darrow

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment
to be called an agnostic.
I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -
that is all that agnosticism means.
- Clarence Darrow

To think is to differ.
- Clarence Darrow

I do not believe in God because I do not believe in Mother Goose.
- Clarence Darrow

Just think of the tragedy of teaching children not to doubt.
- Clarence Darrow

I don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't,
because if I liked it I'd eat it, and I just hate it.
- Clarence Darrow

If you lose the power to laugh, you lose the power to think.
- Clarence Darrow

I have suffered from being misunderstood,
but I would have suffered a hell of a lot more if I had been understood.
- Clarence Darrow

Chase after the truth like all hell and you'll free yourself,
even though you never touch its coat tails.
- Clarence Darrow

As long as the world shall last there will be wrongs,
and if no man objected and no man rebelled,
those wrongs would last forever.
- Clarence Darrow

If a man is happy in America, it is considered he is doing something wrong.
- Clarence Darrow

The pursuit of truth will set you free;
even if you never catch up with it.
- Clarence Darrow

I am a friend of the working man, and I would rather be his friend,
than be one.
- Clarence Darrow

The best that we can do is to be kindly and helpful
toward our friends and fellow passengers who are clinging
to the same speck of dirt while we are drifting side
by side to our common doom.
- Clarence Darrow

The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz

Never fight an inanimate object.
- P. J. O'Rourke

I never expected to see the day when girls would get
sunburned in the places they now do.
- Will Rogers

Never have more children than you have car windows.
- Erma Bombeck

And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)

I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)

Never call an accountant a credit to his profession;
a good accountant is a debit to his profession.
- Charles Lyell

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
- Mae West

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
- W. C. Fields

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Never raise your hand to your children -
it leaves your midsection unprotected.
- Robert Orben

I never said most of the things I said.
- Yogi Berra

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
- Edgar Bergen

I have never been hurt by what I have not said.
- Calvin Coolidge

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
- Phyllis Diller

I'd never been in play long enough for the flowers
to die in the dressing room.
- Mercedes McCambridge

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
- Bertrand Russell

We have a great life here in Alaska,
and we're never going back to America again!
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

Never floss with a stranger.
- Joan Rivers

I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
- Winston Churchill

You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced
so they won't think something's wrong with me.
- Elayne Boosler

I always pass on good advice.
It is the only thing to do with it.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

You never can tell with bees.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Until you've lost your reputation,
you never realize what a burden it was.
- Margaret Mitchell

It's never too late -
never too late to start over,
never too late to be happy.
- Jane Fonda

One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller

You know the only people who are always sure about
the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any.
- Bill Cosby


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