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Bob Hope Quotes
Funny Quotes by Bob Hope

Let these funny Bob Hope Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
- Bob Hope

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.
- Bob Hope

A bank is a place that will lend you money
if you can prove that you don't need it.
- Bob Hope

I don't feel old.
I don't feel anything till noon.
That's when it's time for my nap.
- Bob Hope


 

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.
- Bob Hope

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
- Bob Hope

If you watch a game, it's fun.
If you play it, it's recreation.
If you work at it, it's golf.
- Bob Hope


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The trees in Siberia are miles apart,
that is why the dogs are so fast.
- Bob Hope

If you haven't got any charity in your heart,
you have the worst kind of heart trouble.
- Bob Hope

When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage -
he shot both his parents and moved in.
- Bob Hope

The good news is that Jesus is coming back.
The bad news is that he's really pissed off.
- Bob Hope

I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow
the hereafter on a technicality.
- Bob Hope

I have seen what a laugh can do.
It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable,
even hopeful.
- Bob Hope

The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.
- Bob Hope

I like to play in the low 70's.
If it gets any hotter than that I'll stay in the bar!
- Bob Hope

If I have to lay an egg for my country,
I'll do it.
- Bob Hope

I've always been in the right place and time.
Of course, I steered myself there.
- Bob Hope

Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.
- Bob Hope

They'll always be an England, even if it's in Hollywood.
- Bob Hope

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things -
not the great occasions -
that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.
- Bob Hope

She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't
help wondering from what direction.
- Bob Hope

I have a wonderful make-up crew.
They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.
- Bob Hope

You've got to be rich to have a swing like that.
- Bob Hope

You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.
- Bob Hope

A sense of humor is good for you.
Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?
- Bob Hope

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
- Bob Hope

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally
and rubbed his name off the piano.
- Bob Hope

Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.
- Bob Hope

I grew up with six brothers.
That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.
- Bob Hope

I have too much money invested in sweaters.
- Bob Hope

I'm kidding about having only a few dollars.
I might have a few dollars more.
- James Brown

There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap.
- Kevin James

You know that place between sleeping and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I'll always think of you.
- James M. Barrie PHOTO

Dream as if you'll live forever.
Live as if you'll die today.
- James Dean

When I'm in London I do have the convenience of being
close to St James Park which is also good for me because
it gives me an excuse to get out and get some much needed exercise!
- David Blunkett

The greatest weapon against stress
is our ability to choose one thought over another.
- William James

Formula to live your dream:
1. Be bold. 2. Begin now, 3. No exceptions.
- William James

I will act as if what I do makes a difference.
- William James

Some guys say beauty is only skin deep.
But when you walk into a party, you don't see somebody's brain.
The initial contact has to be the sniffing.
- James Caan

Perhaps people, and kids especially,
are spoiled today,
because all the kids today have cars,
it seems.
When I was young you were lucky to have a bike.
- James Cagney

No duty is more urgent than that of returning thanks.
- James Allen

An artist is not paid for his labor but for his vision.
- James Whistler

Democracy gives every man the right to be his own oppressor.
- James Russell Lowell

A myth is a religion in which no one any longer believes.
- James Feibleman

Both my mother and father were very supportive of any
career move any of us wanted to make.
- James Gandolfini

Let us not look back in anger
or forward in fear,
but around in awareness.
- James Thurber

I took some time out for life.
- James L. Brooks

Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does.
Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.
- James A. Baldwin

The most dangerous creation of any society is the man who has nothing to lose.
- James A. Baldwin

Go to the people
Live among them
Learn from them
Love them
Serve them
Plan with them
Start with what they know
Build on what they have.
- Jimmy Yen (Y. C. James Yen)

The most dangerous food is wedding cake.
- James Thurber

The only faith that wears well and holds its color
in all weathers is that which is woven of conviction
and set with the sharp mordant of experience.
- James Russell Lowell

Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility.
- James Thurber

Faith means belief in something concerning which doubt
is theoretically possible.
- William James

A pure democracy is a society consisting of a small number of citizens,
who assemble and administer the government in person.
- James Madison

Most people treat the office manual the way they treat a software manual.
They never look at it.
- James Levine

All men of action are dreamers.
- James Huneker

I got the bill for my surgery.
Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for.
- James H. Boren

It is only when they go wrong that machines remind
you how powerful they are.
- Clive James

However, if a poem can be reduced to a prose sentence,
there can't be much to it.
- James Schuyler

A man's house is his castle.
- James Otis

Building technical systems involves a lot of hard work
and specialized knowledge:
languages and protocols,
coding and debugging, testing and refactoring.
- Jesse James Garrett

A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.
- William James

A sister is a gift to the heart,
a friend to the spirit,
a golden thread to the meaning of life.
- Isadora James

If you want a quality, act as if you already had it.
- William James

Strong convictions precede great actions.
- James Freeman Clarke

Too many people are thinking of security
instead of opportunity.
They seem more afraid of life than death.
- James F. Bymes

Never hurry.
Take plenty of exercise.
Always be cheerful.
Take all the sleep you need.
You may expect to be well.
- James Freeman Clarke

Usually when people are sad, they don't do anything.
They just cry over their condition.
But when they get angry, they bring about a change.
- James Russell Lowell

A lot of people get impatient with the pace of change.
- James Levine

Food is our common ground, a universal experience.
- James Beard


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