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Bill Cosby Quotes
Funny Quotes by Bill Cosby

Let these funny Bill Cosby Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.
- Bill Cosby

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
- Bill Cosby

A word to the wise ain't necessary -
it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
- Bill Cosby

Always end the name of your child with a vowel,
so that when you yell, the name will carry.
- Bill Cosby


 

Civilization had too many rules for me,
so I did my best to rewrite them.
- Bill Cosby

You know the only people who are always sure about
the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any.
- Bill Cosby

Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational
act that two people in love can commit.
- Bill Cosby


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Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older,
I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.
- Bill Cosby

Old is always fifteen years from now.
- Bill Cosby

Gray hair is God's graffiti.
- Bill Cosby

There is hope for the future because God has a sense
of humor and we are funny to God.
- Bill Cosby

It isn't a matter of black is beautiful as much as
it is white is not all that's beautiful.
- Bill Cosby

Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business
in which no cumulative wisdom is gained:
each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made.
- Bill Cosby

I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children
is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia:
it seemed like a good idea at the time.
- Bill Cosby

Any man today who returns from work,
sinks into a chair,
and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger.
- Bill Cosby

My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own fatherhood,
but it didn't because parenting can only be learned
by people who have no children.
- Bill Cosby

Immortality is a long shot, I admit.
But somebody has to be first.
- Bill Cosby

Parents are not interested in justice,
they're interested in peace and quiet.
- Bill Cosby

That married couples can live together day after day
is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked.
- Bill Cosby

Men and women belong to different species and communications
between them is still in its infancy.
- Bill Cosby

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage:
the wife is in charge.
- Bill Cosby

I am certainly not an authority on love because there
are no authorities on love,
just those who've had luck with it and those who haven't.
- Bill Cosby

The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of
you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns,
then your marriage is a gift from the gods.
- Bill Cosby

No matter how calmly you try to referee,
parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior,
and I'm not talking about the kids.
Their behavior is always normal.
- Bill Cosby

When you become senile, you won't know it.
- Bill Cosby

Women don't want to hear what you think.
Women want to hear what they think -
in a deeper voice.
- Bill Cosby

I am proud to be an American.
Because an American can eat anything on the face of
this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.
- Bill Cosby

I wasn't always black...
there was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.
- Bill Cosby

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools,
but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.
- Bill Cosby

Poets have said that the reason to have children is
to give yourself immortality.
Immortality? Now that I have five children,
my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.
- Bill Cosby

If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated,
let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he
does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.
- Bill Cosby

As I have discovered by examining my past,
I started out as a child.
Coincidentally, so did my brother.
My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket,
so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell,
who taught me what was meant by "survival of the fittest."
- Bill Cosby

Nothing separates the generations more than music.
By the time a child is eight or nine,
he has developed a passion for his own music that is
even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes.
- Bill Cosby

The main goal of the future is to stop violence.
The world is addicted to it.
- Bill Cosby

People can be more forgiving than you can imagine.
But you have to forgive yourself.
Let go of what's bitter and move on.
- Bill Cosby

The past is a ghost, the future a dream,
and all we ever have is now.
- Bill Cosby

You can't be everything to everyone.
- Bill Cosby

Even though your kids will consistently do the exact
opposite of what you're telling them to do,
you have to keep loving them just as much.
- Bill Cosby

Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.
- Bill Cosby

There is no labor a person does that is undignified;
if they do it right.
- Bill Cosby

Through humor, you can soften some
of the worst blows that life delivers.
And once you find laughter,
no matter how painful your situation might be,
you can survive it.
- Bill Cosby

You can turn painful situations around through laughter.
If you can find humor in anything, even poverty,
you can survive it.
- Bill Cosby

Nothing I've ever done has given me more joys and rewards
than being a father to my children.
- Bill Cosby

I don't know the key to success,
but the key to failure is to try to please everyone.
- Bill Cosby

In order to succeed, your desire for success should
be greater than your fear of failure.
- Bill Cosby

The essence of childhood, of course,
is play,
which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that
we reluctantly shared with traffic.
- Bill Cosby

A new father quickly learns that his child invariably
comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there,
as if he needed company.
The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom
privacy is to shave at the gas station.
- Bill Cosby

The surprising thing about fatherhood was finding my inner mush.
Now I want to share it with the world.
- Christopher Meloni

I love fatherhood.
I could bang on about kids forever.
- Guy Ritchie

And in that time, I lost my dad and had kids of my own.
It was like, OK, I get it now.
I know what fatherhood is all about.
And you look at your parents differently.
- Paul Reiser

I had no expectations about fatherhood,
really, but it's definitely a journey I'm glad to be taking.
Number one, it's a great learning experience.
When my mother told me it's a 24/7 job,
she wasn't kidding.
- Christopher Meloni

It's just different discipline, just doing the voice over.
I guess I've done about 5 or 6 audio books in the past
and I do the animated voice for a show called Fatherhood on Nickelodeon.
- Blair Underwood

There's so much negative imagery of black fatherhood.
I've got tons of friends that are doing the right thing by their kids,
and doing the right thing as a father -
and how come that's not as newsworthy?
- Will Smith

One of the advantages of being disorganized is that
one is always having surprising discoveries.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

The people who don't like it tend to dislike it intensely.
That's unfortunate, but not surprising when one deliberately
goes against audience expectations.
- John M. Ford

Yes, I get a report from BMI about the frequency of performances,
and it is very surprising.
They played one of my most advanced pieces,
and one of my most unusual ones on the radio.
- Elliott Carter

Every one of our greatest national treasures,
our liberty, enterprise, vitality, wealth,
military power, global authority, flow from a surprising source:
our ability to give thanks.
- Tony Snow

The concentration in my book on Marie Antoinette's
childhood and on her family influences.
It is surprising how some books actually start with her arrival in France!
- Antonia Fraser

Union of religious sentiments begets a surprising confidence.
- James Madison

A surprising number of government committees will make
important decisions on fundamental matters with less
attention than each individual would give to buying a suit.
- Herman Kahn

When we first broke into that forbidden box in the other dimension,
we knew we had discovered something as surprising and
powerful as the New World when Columbus came stumbling onto it.
- Ken Kesey

It is hardly surprising that the Georgian domestic
style emerges as the most remarkable in the world.
- Stephen Gardiner

This death sentence is not surprising.
It had to be.
- Julius Rosenberg

Many a witty inspiration is like the surprising reunion
of befriended thoughts after a long separation.
- Karl Wilhelm Friedrich Schlegel

I always thought, because America is supposed to be the land of the free,
nudity would be part of the norm over there,
but it isn't.
It's surprising.
- Mark Roberts

When thugs by nature meet thugs by political conviction,
5-0 is not surprising.
- John McCarthy

The surprising thing about young fools is how many
survive to become old fools.
- Doug Larson

It's weirder and more surprising than the other books.
I think there are more places where it's just more reality bending,
deliberately so.
I think it's a lot more emotionally raw.
- Cory Doctorow

But any big change is more likely to result if there
is a disruptive event such as new technologies or platforms
that have a surprising effect on market share.
- Trip Hawkins

Drama assumes an order.
If only so that it might have - by disrupting that order -
a way of surprising.
- Vaclav Havel

What's surprising is that the people who fought against
torture here are the communists.
- Jean-Marie Le Pen


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