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Let these funny Bernard Meltzer Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer
Children, cartoon animals, comedians,
and space aliens can get away with saying
what the rest of us are afraid is true,
but are embarrassed to talk about.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
This above all, to thine own self be true.
- William Shakespeare 
I don't care what anybody says about me
as long as it isn't true.
- Truman Capote
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True friendship's laws are by this rule express'd,
Welcome the coming, speed the parting guest.
- Alexander Pope
True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal
True love is like ghosts,
which everyone talks about and few have seen.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
It is sad but unfortunately true that
man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung
True believers just don't see things the way they are,
because if they did, they wouldn't be true believers anymore.
- Philip Caputo
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe,
then I'd have to say that the universe
aimed rather low and settled for very little.
- George Carlin
There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world,
and the worst of it is that half of them are true.
- Winston Churchill
Religion is regarded by the common people as true,
by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Faith: not wanting to know what is true.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson
All our dreams can come true,
if we have the courage to pursue them.
- Walt Disney
A true friend stabs you in the front.
- Oscar Wilde
The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill
The true meaning of life is to plant trees,
under whose shade you do not expect to sit.
- Nelson Henderson
You do not need anyone's permission to be your true self.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
People are stupid;
given proper motivation, almost anyone will believe almost anything.
Because people are stupid, they will believe a lie
because they want to believe it's true,
or because they are afraid it might be true.
- Terry Goodkind
Play with life, laugh with life,
dance lightly with life,
and smile at the riddles of life,
knowing that life's only true lessons
are writ small in the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Where there is shouting, there is no true knowledge.
- Leonardo da Vinci
I do not need anyone's permission to be my true self.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The book of life is filled with incoherent riddles.
Life's true lessons are inscribed in a corner of the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible.
- Oscar Wilde
Every religion is true one way or another.
It is true when understood metaphorically.
But when it gets stuck in its own metaphors,
interpreting them as facts, then you are in trouble.
- Joseph Campbell
True love is a process of co-creation
in which neither feels ownership or superiority.
Jealousy is a highly destructive force
for love and relationships.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The course of true love never did run smooth.
- William Shakespeare
True Love burns the brightest,
But the brightest flames leave the deepest scars.
- Anonymous
If I try to be like him, who will be like me?
- Yiddish proverb
The WORK
1.Is it true?
2.Can you absolutely know that it's true?
3.How do you react when you think that thought?
4.Who would you be without the thought?
- Byron Katie
The secret of making dreams come true
can be summarized in four C's.
They are Curiosity, Confidence, Courage, and Constancy;
and the greatest of these is Confidence.
- Walt Disney
True friendship is never serene.
- Marquise de Sevigne
Man prefers to believe what he prefers to be true.
- Francis Bacon
Your inner thoughts reveal your true nature.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Those who realize their folly are not true fools.
- Zhuangzi
For those of true faith, death is not a time to mourn,
but a time to celebrate returning to the Creator.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I used to believe in forever, but forever's too good to be true.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
True friendship is like sound health;
the value of it is seldom known until it be lost.
- Charles Caleb Colton
Be true to your work, your word, and your friend.
- Henry David Thoreau
Mastering others is strength.
Mastering yourself is true power.
- Lao Tzu
Every loving thought is true.
Everything else is an appeal for healing and help,
regardless of the form it takes.
- A Course In Miracles
Know that you do not need anyone's permission
to be your true self.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Women are like teabags.
We don't know our true strength
until we are in hot water!
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Knowledge is happiness, because to have knowledge -
broad, deep knowledge - is to know true ends from false,
and lofty things from low.
- Helen Keller
We censor our actions, but
our dreams reveal our true character.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Many persons have a wrong idea of
what constitutes true happiness.
It is not attained through self-gratification
but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.
- Helen Keller
Lighten up! Slow down the shopping.
Your greatest gift to your family and friends is yourself -
your relaxed, happy, and fully-present self.
Consider gifting hand-made cards with messages
of true appreciation in place of store-bought presents.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
"To know" is to know that you know nothing.
That is the meaning of true knowledge.
- Confucius
Nothing can bring a real sense of security
into the home except true love.
- Billy Graham
Once you have mastered time,
you will understand how true it is that
most people overestimate what
they can accomplish in a year -
and underestimate what
they can achieve in a decade!
- Tony Robbins
Everything deep is also simple
and can be reproduced simply
as long as its reference
to the whole truth is maintained.
But what matters is not what is witty
but what is true.
- Albert Schweitzer
True friendship is a plant of slow growth,
and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity
before it is entitled to the appellation.
- George Washington
When true friends meet in adverse hour,
'Tis like a sunbeam through a shower.
A watery way an instant seen,
The darkly closing clouds between.
- Sir Walter Scott
It is only the great-hearted who can be true friends.
The mean and cowardly can never know what true friendship means.
- Charles Kingsley
No one has yet realized the wealth of sympathy,
the kindness and generosity hidden in the soul of a child.
The effort of every true education should be to unlock that treasure.
- Emma Goldman
True religion is real living;
living with all one's soul,
with all one's goodness and righteousness.
- Albert Einstein
True justice is not a matter of courts and law books,
but of a commitment in each of us to liberty and mutual respect.
- Jimmy Carter
True friendship can afford true knowledge.
It does not depend on darkness and ignorance.
- Henry David Thoreau
True happiness... is not attained
through self-gratification,
but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.
- Helen Keller
Intolerance is itself a form of violence
and an obstacle to the growth of a true democratic spirit.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
- William Shakespeare
Our actions are constrained by fear of reprisal,
but our dreams reveal our true character.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When we find someone whose weirdness
is compatible with ours,
we join up with them and fall into
mutually satisfying weirdness -
and call it love - true love.
- Robert Fulghum.
'Tis strange - but true;
for truth is always strange;
Stranger than fiction.
- Lord Byron
Only one who devotes himself to a cause
with his whole strength and soul
can be a true master.
For this reason mastery demands all of a person.
- Albert Einstein
There is nothing true anywhere,
The true is nowhere to be seen;
If you say you see the true,
This seeing is not the true one.
- Abraham Lincoln paraphrasing Lao Tzu' Tao te Ching
Compassion and generosity must be the heart of any true religion.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A true friend sees the good in everything,
and brings out the best in the worst of things.
- Sasha Azevedo
A true friend is the one who
walks in when others walk out.
- Walter Winchell
Follow your instincts.
That's where true wisdom manifests itself.
- Oprah Winfrey
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.