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Benjamin Disraeli Quotes
Funny Quotes by Benjamin Disraeli

Let these funny Benjamin Disraeli Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

There are three types of lies -
lies, damn lies, and statistics.
- Benjamin Disraeli

Travel teaches toleration.
- Benjamin Disraeli

I must follow the people.
Am I not their leader?
- Benjamin Disraeli

The secret of success in life is for a man to be ready
for his opportunity when it comes.
- Benjamin Disraeli


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The most successful people in life
are generally those who have the best information.
- Benjamin Disraeli

The secret of success is constancy to purpose.
- Benjamin Disraeli

To be conscious that you are ignorant
is a great step to knowledge.
- Benjamin Disraeli


 

Nurture your mind with great thoughts,
for you will never go any higher than you think.
- Benjamin Disraeli

There is a magic in the memory of schoolboy friendships;
it softens the heart,
and even affects the nervous system
of those who have no heart.
- Benjamin Disraeli

Action may not always bring happiness;
but there is no happiness without action.
- Benjamin Disraeli

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)

Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous

Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.
- Benjamin Franklin

Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin

There are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents,
and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years
to have breakfast together,
but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.
- Winston Churchill

I truly believe that happiness is possible...
even when you're thirty-three
and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason

There are only two or three human stories,
and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely
as if they had never happened before.
- Willa Cather PHOTO

I have three kinds of friends:
those who love me,
those who pay no attention to me,
and those who detest me.
- Nicolas De Chamfort

See no evil, Hear no evil, Speak no evil.
- Japanese pictorial maxim (the Three Wise Monkeys) PHOTO

In three words, I can sum up everything
I've learned about life - it goes on.
- Robert Frost

To the uneducated an A is just three sticks.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

There are three rules for dating:
1) Don't;
2) If you must, just be careful;
3) Forget the rules, your hormones will win anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Three things cannot be long hidden:
the sun, the moon, and the truth.
- The Buddha

I had three chairs in my house;
one for solitude, two for friendship, three for society.
- Henry David Thoreau

He is a drunkard who takes more than
three glasses though he be not drunk.
- Epictetus

All truth passes through three stages:
First, it is ridiculed;
Second, it is violently opposed;
Third, it is accepted as self-evident.
- Arthur Schopenhauer

There are three classes of people:
those who see,
those who see when they are shown,
those who do not see.
- Leonardo da Vinci

Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are
something to do,
something to love,
and something to hope for.
- Joseph Addison

A friendship will be young after the lapse of half a century;
a passion is old at the end of three months.
- Madame Swetchine

All Knowledge is Divided into Three Domains:
"What We Know",
"What We Know That We Don't Know", and
"What We Don't Know That We Don't Know."
- Werner Erhard

Three Rules of Work:
Out of clutter find simplicity;
From discord find harmony;
In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.
- Albert Einstein

Never forget the three powerful resources
you always have available to you:
love, prayer, and forgiveness.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Voting is an expression of three key life principles -
CHOICE, INTENT, and ACTION.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I have just three things to teach:
simplicity, patience, compassion.
These three are your greatest treasures.
- Lao Tzu

I have three precious things which I hold fast and prize.
The first is gentleness;
the second is frugality;
the third is humility, which keeps me from putting myself before others.
Be gentle and you can be bold;
be frugal and you can be generous;
avoid putting yourself before others
and you can become a leader among men.
- Lao Tzu

Now abide faith, hope, love, these three;
but the greatest of these is love.
- Corinthians 13:13

AUM, the most primordial human sound -
and the sound most connected to Spirit,
is pronounced in these three parts:
A (as in mama) - a throat sound
that vibrates in the abdomen - signifies waking.
U (as in who) - a tongue sound
that vibrates in the chest - signifies dreaming.
M (as in mama) - a lip sound
that vibrates in the head - signifies sleeping.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Steve Jobs' Three Rules of Life ...
1. Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.
2. Don't be trapped by dogma -
which is living with the results of other people's thinking.
Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice.
3. Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition -
they somehow already know what you truly want to become.
- Steve Jobs

I want to share with you the three rules
that I have in order to accept an apprentice.
Rule Number 1: Don't believe me.
I don't want you to believe me
but I want you to listen and make choices - your choices.
If what I say, doesn't work for you, leave it.
But if it works for you and that's what you want, then make it yours.
Rule Number 2: Don't believe yourself.
Why? Because most of your belief system is a lie - it's not true.
And by believing yourself, you create all the limitations
that don't allow you to be what you really are.
Don't believe yourself. Listen to what you say,
listen to what you think, listen to what you believe.
And when you listen, open your ears, open your mind,
open your intelligence and make choices.
Rule 3 is, don't believe anybody else.
Don't believe them at all.
Open your ears and your mind; listen and make choices.
- don Miguel Ruiz

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland

Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind
and won't change the subject.
- Winston Churchill

One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea.
- Walter Bagehot

Let your sympathies and your compassion
be always with the under dog in the fight -
this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one - this is business.
- Mark Twain

Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard (Philistine - A Periodical of Protest, 1896)

Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith

A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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