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Let these funny Bartholomew Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
Love is an undulating energy that moves through you,
within you, and radiates out of you,
and changes everything.
-Bartholomew
Love is an irresistible desire
to be irresistibly desired.
- Robert Frost 
Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West
The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
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In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
- H. L. Mencken
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard
Love is a grave mental disease.
- Plato
Love thy neighbor -
and if he happens to be tall,
debonair and devastating,
it will be that much easier.
- Mae West
I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton
A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous
Love looks through a telescope;
envy, through a microscope.
- Josh Billings
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
A woman in love can't be reasonable -
or she probably wouldn't be in love.
- Mae West
Oh, come on, Shrek, wake up and smell the pheromones!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Save a boyfriend for a rainy day -
and another, in case it doesn't rain.
- Mae West
The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine
Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham
True love is like ghosts,
which everyone talks about and few have seen.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
Love is metaphysical gravity.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran
True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal
One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston
The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson
My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous
Love is loving what your lover loves.
- Anonymous
Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous
My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
This is my ultimate fantasy:
watching QVC with a credit card
while making love and eating at the same time.
- Yasmine Bleeth
Life is a reflection of intent.
Love reflects love.
Hate reflects hate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I Dream This Day of Wondrous Things,
of Peace and Hope and Pride.
I Dance My Dance with Life Today,
I'm Filled with Love Inside.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance,
but with somebody else.
- Mae West
If (s)he's an apple and you're an orange,
celebrate your differences -
make a great fruit salad.
Love isn't about being the same -
it's about being sweet with each other.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Know the power and the peace of saying,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Love is the flower you've got to let grow.
- John Lennon
If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin
Love means not ever having to say you're sorry.
- Erich Segal
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
- Anonymous
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom.
- Rabindranath Tagore
Love Without Limits.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We are not held back by the love we didn't receive in the past,
but by the love we're not extending in the present.
- Marianne Williamson
Where there is great love,
there are always miracles.
- Willa Cather
To the people who love you,
you are beautiful already.
This is not because they're
blind to your shortcomings
but because they so clearly see your soul.
- Victoria Moran
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Hate is never conquered by hate,
Hate is only conquered by love.
- The Buddha
Love comforteth like sunshine after rain.
- William Shakespeare
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
Lord, grant that I might not so much
seek to be loved as to love.
- St. Francis of Assisi
Beauty is an outward gift,
which is seldom despised,
except by those to whom it has been refused.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Love is when the other person's happiness
is more important than your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Love one another but make not a bond of love.
Let it rather be a moving sea
between the shores of your souls.
- Khalil Gibran
A big part of letting go is recognizing
when it is time to stay in a situation
and when it is time to move on.
- Darren L. Johnson
We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong
True love is a process of co-creation
in which neither feels ownership or superiority.
Jealousy is a highly destructive force
for love and relationships.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
He who marries for love without money
has good nights and sorry days.
- Anonymous
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.