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Let these funny Anne Sexton Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
It doesn't matter who my father was.
It matters who I remember he was.
- Anne Sexton
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
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There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
Sucking the marrow out of life
doesn't mean choking on the bone.
- Robin Williams as John Keating
in the 1989 movie Dead Poets Society
Serious illness doesn't bother me for long
because I am too inhospitable a host.
- Albert Schweitzer
Save a boyfriend for a rainy day -
and another, in case it doesn't rain.
- Mae West
I've always believed that if done properly,
armed robbery doesn't have to be an unpleasant experience.
- the movie Thelma & Louise
Talk doesn't cook rice.
- Chinese Proverb
How many legs does a dog have
if you call the tail a leg? Four.
Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.
- Abraham Lincoln
Never trust spiritual leader who doesn't dance.
- Miyagi: character in the movie The Next Karate Kid
Anyone who isn't confused,
really doesn't understand the situation.
- Edward R. Murrow
Courage doesn't always roar.
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice
at the end of the day, saying,
"I will try again tomorrow."
- Mary Anne Radmacher 
The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe,
just so you're sincere.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Go Fly A Kite, Charlie Brown
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
Just because I don't care,
doesn't mean I don't understand.
- Matt Groening's TV series The Simpsons.
God doesn't make junk.
- Anonymous
The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing.
The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I don't know, I don't care,
and it doesn't make any difference!
- Albert Einstein
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
- Woody Allen
All you need is love.
But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
- Charles M. Schulz
Fear doesn't exist anywhere except in the mind.
- Dale Carnegie
Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man
... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do
every minute of every day. And the invisible man
has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do.
And if you do any of these things,
he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire
and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever,
and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream,
until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you.
He loves you and he needs money.
- George Carlin
People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness.
Just because they're not on your road
doesn't mean they've gotten lost.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Life is a game - a game you can never win.
You already know the final score: Life 1, You 0.
Doesn't mean you can't have fun playing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Just because an animal is large, it doesn't mean he doesn't want kindness;
however big Tigger seems to be, remember that he wants as much kindness as Roo.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Saying goodbye doesn't mean anything.
It's the time we spent together that matters,
not how we left it.
- Trey Parker
Life doesn't step on your toes when you Dance Lightly.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life doesn't play favorites.
- Anonymous
If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient.
It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
A man who doesn't trust himself
can never really trust anyone else.
- Cardinal De Retz
A wise girl kisses but doesn't love,
listens but doesn't believe,
and leaves before she is left.
- Marilyn Monroe
It doesn't matter how long my hair is
or what color my skin is
or whether I'm a woman or a man.
- John Lennon
It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words
but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?"
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
When a person doesn't have gratitude,
something is missing in his or her humanity.
A person can almost be defined by
his or her attitude toward gratitude.
- Elie Wiesel
God doesn't require us to succeed;
He only requires that you try.
- Mother Teresa
My whole goal is to keep my spirit intact.
If that doesn't happen, none of this is worth it.
- Jewel
The tragedy of life doesn't lie in not reaching your goal.
The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach.
- Benjamin E. Mays
Whether one believes in a religion or not,
and whether one believes in rebirth or not,
there isn't anyone who doesn't
appreciate kindness and compassion.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
People make a big fuss over you when you're President.
But I'm very serious about doing everything I can
to make sure that it doesn't go to my head.
- Jimmy Carter
Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect.
It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.
- Anonymous
What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Prayer doesn't change God, but changes him who prays
- Soren Kierkegaard
Love doesn't just sit there like a stone;
it has to be made,like bread,
remade all the time, made new.
- Ursula K. Le Guin
Success doesn't come to you, you go to it.
- Marva Collins
The right to do something doesn't mean that doing it is right.
- William Safire
The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once.
- Albert Einstein
If you love something, set it free;
if it comes back it's yours,
if it doesn't, it never was.
- Richard Bach
You can conquer almost any fear
if you will only make up your mind to do so.
For remember, fear doesn't exist
anywhere except in the mind.
- Dale Carnegie
Reality doesn't impress me.
- Anais Nin
There is no limit to what a man can do
or where he can go,
if he doesn't mind who gets the credit.
- Robert Woodruff
Courage doesn't always roar.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Never allow a person to tell you NO
who doesn't have the power to say YES.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Happiness doesn't depend on any external conditions,
it is governed by our mental attitude.
- Dale Carnegie
Men kick friendship around like a football,
but it doesn't seem to crack.
Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces.
- Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Anyone who doesn't take truth seriously in small matters
cannot be trusted in large ones either.
- Albert Einstein
People often say that motivation doesn't last.
Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily.
- Zig Ziglar
Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world
doesn't mean you are wiser
than when it reached only to the end of the bar.
- Edward R. Murrow
Love doesn't make the world go 'round,
Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.
- Franklin P. Jones
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
- Milton Berle
It is amazing how much you can accomplish
when it doesn't matter who gets the credit.
- Anonymous
Courage is not always about action,
and it doesn't always involve danger,
but courage is always doing what is right.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We tend to forget that happiness doesn't
come as a result of getting something we don't have,
but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.
- Frederick Koenig
Reality doesn't impress me.
I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy,
and when ordinary life shackles me,
I escape, one way or another.
No more walls.
- Anais Nin
Letting go doesn't mean giving up...
it means moving on.
- Anonymous
You always feel better when you sing.
Music touches people's hearts.
You know, it doesn't go through your mental capacity,
it just moves you and it will let you cry.
It's worth it doing a show
and when you touch a crowd
and move yourself at the same
- Jewel
The soul loves to meditate,
for in contact with the Spirit lies its greatest joy.
If, then you experience mental resistance during meditation,
remember that reluctance to meditate comes from the ego;
it doesn't belong to the soul.
- Paramahansa Yogananda
Give your time and efforts freely or not at all.
When you are tempted to say,
"Oh, if I have to, I'll skip my golf game
and watch my daughter play soccer," don't do it.
Either generate the heart-felt emotion
to make the free-will gift,
"I'd love to watch your game today, Sandy,"
or the honesty to decline the request gracefully.
Martyrdom doesn't create happiness
for any of the parties involved.
An honest, "No" is preferable to a coerced "Yes."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.
What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.
- Dr. Seuss
Only good comes from being honest and true.
Only harm and suffering come from falsehood.
It doesn't always feel as if good comes from truth and honesty,
but, in the long run, it does.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.